I feel like I haven't really written about what goes through my head lately...at least not here. So this blog may not have pictures and stories about what I did last night (although that could make for a nice story), but it might give you something to think about.
I keep this prayer/notes/thoughts journal, and I can say without hesitation that it is one of the best things I've ever done. I actually started it because I thought that if I could write my prayers down they would seem more real and I would feel like God was actually hearing them. Obviously, that was during a time when I was mistakenly acting upon emotions and not reality--because God is there and He is real, no matter what we feel. But what was started out of a seemingly bad thing (doubt) has turned into something I treasure. God always seems to have a way of doing that.
There are a lot of days when I just flip back a few pages to reread what I wrote about one, two, even five months ago. And it is amazing to be able to see where I was and where I've come from since. Prayers answered, doubts relieved, struggles overcome. It's just the coolest thing to see my spiritual life on paper in front of me. It can also be frustrating to look back at a time when I was so in tune with God, because there are moments when I feel like maybe I got away from that. The good thing? I can be back to that place the minute I ask God to take me there. Even though I feel like I'm riding an emotional roller coaster half of the time, that place of security is always promised. Seriously, thank God.
As I was flipping back this morning, I stumbled across something I wrote down about six months ago...not my words, mind you. (I wish) But it hit me, a reality that is so important to be aware of and one that I don't act upon enough.
"Dying for something is easy because it is associated with glory. Living for something is the hard thing. Living for something extends beyond fashion, glory, or recognition. We live for what we believe."
Woah...hello, heartbreak. The question always seems to ask if we would die for something--in this case, our faith. It's easy to say yes to that, because the odds of that happening in America are slim. And because we know that, were we to die for the sake of our faith, we would be recognized and glorified as a modern-day martyr. But what about living for something? That means every day, every week...for the rest of your life. This is much harder, because a demand is placed on us now. There is no, "Would you die for this?" It becomes, "Live for this. Right now. I dare you."
Something to soak in, isn't it? Living by proof is much more demanding than living upon a claim. So, as I write all of this directed at myself, I hope to get away from the "Would you?" and live according to the "Will you?"