Wednesday, March 28, 2012

it's a long one..

Well this is weird. I don't even know how to start this blog.
Since when do I not know how to start a blog?
I guess that's what happens when you neglect something for over a month (sigh...I'm sorry, blog). The beauty of a blog is this: I look at it like a good friend--no, a best friend--you know, the kind that you can go a year without seeing and somehow still pick back up with right where you left off when you finally do. 
So this blog is not over. No, even though I was a very, very bad friend for a month it's not over.
(echo..."It's not over! It was never over!" blog version of The Notebook)

I don't know if I could even begin to skim the surface of the last month of my life, but I can pretty well sum it up when I say that God has shown me some very profound things in very big ways. And yes, leading me back to this blog was one of them.
As a senior in college, my thoughts are more often than not directed towards my future: what is my internship going to be like? will they see me as competent? what if I get them the wrong kind of coffee? (not so important) where am I going to live when I graduate? am I going to get a job??
The problem with being so consumed with my future is that I often get lost in the present, forgetting that life is happening now, and I am missing it by planning for the life that I am not even promised. 
I was talking to my mom a couple of weeks ago about this very thing--about how it's so easy to feel so out of place because my life is in such a mode of transition right now.
"Mom, I haven't even written a blog in three weeks! I don't have anything to write about because I don't even know what's going on right now. What's wrong with me??" I said, half laughing and half crying at the same time. But seriously...what is wrong with me?
"Sarah Beth, yes you do. Write about this. Write about what everyone else out there has felt at some point." do moms always have the most obvious answers?

How true it is that during those times in life when we feel so lost, overwhelmed, unsure, excited but nervous but mostly like we might throw up at the thought of being completely, 100% independent (I could go on...), God shows himself in the biggest ways. He can do that because when all else seems so uncertain, He is the only thing that we can be certain about. That and Yoforia. okay just kidding..but really. 
As I was hanging out with Jesus yesterday morning I read a few very profound things. Let me rephrase: God told me a few very profound things through these words in a book I was reading.

"Trust me one day at a time. Come to me for understanding, since I know you far better than you know yourself. I comprehend you in all your complexity; no detail of your life is hidden from Me."

No detail. Literally, God knows everything from the number of hairs on our head to the thought that just passed through our head 17 seconds ago to the way we really feel about something that we keep blowing off as "fine."
Thank goodness He understands me, because I don't even understand myself. And thank Him that I can trust Him fully, one day at a time. He says one day at a time because that keeps us close to Him. And that means trusting, waiting on Him in the way He designed us to live: all day, every day.
(did you read what you just wrote, Sarah Beth?)

there it is. there's where my heart has been for the past month. 
but my blog is my medium, so I return to it ready to continue putting my "heart on a page," as my mom calls it. so this one is for you, mom, for encouraging me to write even when I feel like it would be easier to read Chinese than to make sense of my thoughts. i'm back!

1 comment:

  1. You poured your heart out on this page...and, as always, it blessed mine!
    Isn't God so good to remind us of His presence...and it is just a reminder as He is constantly there, not in and out of the relationship like we so often are.
    So, we rest, literally, in His promises. And, our future, IS in HIS hands...a much better place than our own. We would settle for the good or even the "better"..but He has the "best". I'm so excited for you as you continue to walk this journey called "life"...wondering what is just around the corner!!!
    PS I'm glad you're back:) Love, love, love you!